Posts Tagged ‘parent teen relationships’
Let me say from the outset that you don\’t need to be a psychologist or certified life coach to emotion coach your teenager to get instant positive results to transform your parent teenager relationship.
Before I speak about action steps you can take to emotion coach your teenager and supercharge your parent teenager relationship, I want to suggest two compelling reasons that highlight the importance of emotion coaching.
First. Through emotion coaching you can raise your teenager\’s level of emotional intelligence. It\’s been shown through research that people with a high EQ fare better in dealing with life and relationships. All that equates to better chances of being successful. By aiding your child\’s emotional development, you are effectively growing your parent teenager relationship.
Second. You will find that most parenting advice, targets a child\’s behavior for obvious reasons. However beneath behavior are irrepressible feelings or emotions. Because humans are driven more by what they feel than what they think, when you validate your child\’s emotions, you are naturally building a relationship. All that contributes to a better parent teenager relationship.
Let\’s cut to the chase now and highlight, seven simple steps you can implement today to turbo charge your parent teenager relationship.
Firstly select an experience past or present when your teen was/is angry, fearful or sad.
Secondly describe your observation to your teen, emphasizing their particular emotional state. Be sure to communicate that whatever the emotions experienced that they are okay. Keep calm.
Step Three. Ask a quick question to get your teenager to confirm your observation.
Step Four. Tell your teenager that they must have good reasons for being in their emotional state and that it is okay to feel whatever they are feeling.
Fifthly tell your teenager that it\’s not okay to hurt themselves, others or to break things.
Step Six. Ask your teenager to identify what triggered their emotional state and to describe how they felt in their own words.
Seventh. Finally request of your teenager to become a problem solver. Ask them \”when you face the same circumstances again, how can you view it differently so that you will come to feel differently?\”
Emotion coaching is a simple easy to do technique that can really help your teenager get a greater grip of their inner world and life in general. Also as a parent it enables you to naturally bond with your teenager. In doing so, you can turbocharge your parent teenager relationship. I strongly recommend you try it.
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What is the meaning of the word \”respect\”? It means to \”treat with special consideration or high regard\”. Isn\’t it true that all human beings want to be respected? Through all my life and through all my travels over decades I have yet to meet one single soul that does not want to be treated respectfully. If you would like your parent teenager relationship to undergo a serious upgrade, this blog post for you.
Surveys undertaken where the subjects are teenagers and they are asked \”what is it about adult behavior they would like to see changed?\” The most common answer contains the word \”respect\”. In other words, teenagers want to be respected. Could it be then that the number one strategy to effectively transform your parent teenager relationship is to respect your teenager?
When I first told one of our sons that I respected him, he completely stopped what he was doing (something on the computer) and just kept looking at me with a shocked look on his face. He then began to smile. I could sense that his heart was moved. Now I am not saying that my parent teenager relationships in our family are bad. However they certainly could do with a boost.
I have heard many parents say that they are uncomfortable in using the word respect when describing their teenagers. Different reasons have been posed for this. However here is my advice. Go ahead and feel uncomfortable but as the Nike advertisement says \”just do it\” anyway. Truly, this one action step alone has the potential to seriously transform your parent teenager relationship.
So what are the action steps to transform your parent teenager relationship by using the word \”respect\” in conversation?
The procedure to bring your parent teenager relationship to a whole new level is two fold.
First thing. Inform your teenager that you respect them for an internal quality that they have.
Second thing. Pinpoint an example of where you observed that quality show up in your teen\’s life.
For example you might say: \”Hey Joe, I really respect you for your faith and perseverance. Like for example how in last week\’s footbal game your team looked well and truly beaten. But you just kept going as if you knew you would win. That was amazing.\”
Don\’t forget to place your focus on your teens internal quality using the example as a means to highlight it. By implementing this one strategy alone, you can bring your parent teenager relationship to a whole new level.
Are you wanting to develop your parent teenager relationship? If so go to parenting guru Paul Saver\’s seven FREE video clips. Each video clip consists of one powerful parenting tip sure to transform your relationship.
Do you know what the number one parenting tip is, according to the experts, to transform your parent teenager relationship?
To make sure we are on the same page, being totally present for your teen does not mean a meeting of minds for ten seconds at a time whilst your mind flicks back and forth to thinking about such things as the fight you had with your better half last night, the bills that are overdue, running late for work or a zillion other things.
May I be bold enough to say, that whilst most of us are in the process of parenting, we are mufti tasking and feel perfectly justified in doing so because after all there\’s only 24 hours in a day and if we don\’t cram things in, they probably wont get done. However you have a problem if there is little or no time to just be there for your kid for a good chunk of time. In this case, the growth of our parent teenager relationship will be seriously curtailed.
On a positive note, never say its too late to upgrade your parent teenager relationship. Teenagers who actually experience their parent being totally present for them for a good period of time, periodically, really love it. Why would that be? Simply put it is because they feel loved, cared for, and respected.
So to make your parent teenager relationship really grow and go somewhere where you both want it to go, you need to get into the habit of saying \”no\” to all the noise out there clamoring for your attention. Then to decide absolutely to be there for your kid in body and spirit, for a good amount of time over a period of time.
Does that mean you have to be doing something meaningful such as mentoring your kid with their homework or teaching them some life changing lesson to be present? Absolutely no. You could be sitting together with your kid on a park bench eating an ice cream cone or playing a game of Scrabble. The point is being totally present per se whatever the activity.
Talking about doing this is easy but the reality is something else. To nail this one, you are are going to have to dig deep to find the patience and the commitment to get results. But when you do, the joy of success will outweigh the effort made as you experience your parent teenager relationship go to new heights.
Are you a parent with a teenager wanting to bring yourparent teenager relationshipto a whole new level? If so, you would be wise to connect with parenting expert Paul Saver who has over thirty years experience working with teenagers. Get Paul\’s 7 FREE parenting videos with each video highlighting one key parenting tip that is guaranteed to transform your parent teenager relationship.
Stay with me to get a parenting tip that by itself can make a huge difference in transforming your parent teenager relationship. In a nutshell, by quelling your urge to speak, the better the results you can expect.
So what do you do? Start a dialogue with your teenager where you commit to keeping your mouth closed most of the time. Instead your purpose is to listen and learn from your teenager. This strategy alone can upgrade the quality of your parent teenager relationship enormously.
So you are not sure how to begin a meaningful conversation. Let me give you some ideas. Supposing your teen\’s name is \”Ben\”.
You could begin your conversation like this: \” Hi John. You know what I thought of today? Society tends to have certain expectations regarding teenagers that cause them to feel a certain pressure. It must be a hell of a ride being a teenager\”
The second conversation starter could go like this: \”Ben I used to be a teenager. I recall the time when my parents used to get under my skin. Which causes me to think that I am perhaps doing or saying things that are getting under your skin?\”
Another way of approaching it, is to select an experience that your teen had and zoom in on their emotional state. For example: \”Hi John, you looked really mad when your best friend didn\’t appear when they were supposed to\”. In any case, whatever approach you take to get your teenager on side, bear in mind that the goal is to develop your parent teenager relationship.
Check these guidelines to putting into practice this tip to upgrade your parent teenager relationship. Do not share your ideas, advice or opinions. Make it that, the only words you speak after the dialogue has begun are two kinds of feedback. Firstly, empowering words like \”tell me more\”, \”I\’m curious to know your thoughts\”, \”h\’mm\” and so forth.
The other type of feedback is doing what\’s called a listening check. Here you ask your teenager a whole bunch of questions to ascertain how well you have listened and understood your teen. So you could say: \” John, I just want to give back to you an overview of what you have said…[give a brief snapshot of the gist of what your teenager has just said]\”
Should you make the decision to apply this tip, its a great chance for you to know about what your teenager is feeling and thinking- the bad, the ugly and the good.
Now you might experience that when you first do this, for whatever reason, your teenager stays clammed up. If so, don\’t panic or muscle your way in. Step back and decide to try again tomorrow but using a new conversation starter. If required, just repeat until your teen\’s heart opens and they talk.
Be ready if your teenager decides that it is his opportunity to load you up with all of their pet grievances. If so, stay calm and know that all this is par for the course in transforming your parent teenager relationship. In so doing, your teenager will most likely warm up to you.
Parenting expert Paul Saver has worked professionally and personally with teenageragers for more than thirty years. Get Paul\’s 7 FREE videos each consisting of a top parenting tip that whenapplied can revolutionize your parent teenagerager relationshipso that you and your teenager can live happier and more fulfilling lives.